2010 Retrospective

Me, Mom and Dad December 1987

It’s been a while since I wrote on my blog. Things haven’t been good this year, quite surreal I should say. If I have to guess I’ll say this was the worse year of my entire life! Ever since it started, even before 2009 ended things started to turn for the worse. I see it back now after the worse of the storm had passed and it looks like a horrible nightmare from which none of us could woke up from no matter how much we tried.

Don’t get me wrong, business wise it was quite a challenging year, my skin care brand became a success and my studio/gallery keeps moving forward despite the economy, but family wise was not so good. At the end of 2009 mom was already living with Alzheimer’s disease for 4 years and turning for the worse every day. She was institutionalized and released in February 2010 after my dad so requested it. He said he couldn’t live without her and thought with his love he would be able to face anything and care for her. Very sweet but in my eyes unreal nonetheless.

In 2010 we discovered dad had been living with a brain tumor for a long time and we learned it was a metastasis from the lung cancer he had been suffering from for years in silence. I guess it was his way of protecting all of us? I wish he would have said something…. things would have been much, much different between all of us, but he was stubborn and too proud of a guy to admit he was being defeated by cancer. He sure was a very strong man! hey, he was my dad!

As his disease progressed and the tumor took the best of him his body started collapsing rapidly. It reached a point that my dad couldn’t control the left side of his body. His leg and arm weren’t working, yet he kept going for my mom. My mom by summer time didn’t know who any of us were. It was like if another person had occupied her body. She had no clue who any of us were, and we had no idea who she was. But we love her even if she doesn’t know who we are. Despite all what dad said about caring for mom with all his love, he reached a point he couldn’t do it anymore, his body didn’t have the necessary strength and mom had to be institutionalized again, this time with dad.

The doctors knew what was happening, but by his request we were kept in the dark about the most important details. I was able to talk to my dad in November and for the first time in quite a while we were able to tell each other how much we loved each other, no matter what.

On December 1st, I was about to launch my new perfume URBAN, finally my dream became a reality. I wanted to call him early in the morning to tell him I made my dream come true, but stupidly I was too busy with the behind the scenes to call my dad.

On December 1st, at 7:30pm Italy time, 1:30pm EST, my dad had passed away. Finally the cancer had won…

We find thousands of excuses to not reach out, we all get caught up with the every day life and pay little attention to our loved ones when we should care more. Life is so fragile to just not care enough. Although I know in my heart my dad is without a doubt in a much better place, is finally not suffering any more and is looking out for us, I would give anything to hear him at least one more time, to have 5 more minutes with him.

Don’t wait to tell your mom, dad, brother, sister, son or daughter how much you love them. Don’t ever stop telling them how much you love them. You might not get that second chance I’m so much wishing for.

Love to all especially to the ones that are no longer with us.

Happy Holidays

Manuela